This is my brand new conspiracy theory. It first came to me when I was writing my last speech for a group of Republicans before the 2006 primary elections. In case you have to ask, no I'm not a Republican, not any more. I'm finished with them. But that's another story.

What I pointed out in the speech was that one certain candidate could not have done a better job of turning off the voters if the Democrats had paid him to do so. When this unnamed candidate received a humiliating defeat at the hands of the Democrat incumbent, I started thinking. "Hmm, well funded candidate, last minute entry, publicity blows away primary competition. Yep, maybe they did pay him to rabble rouse with his horror show tactics and make the Republican party look foolish." Great work, Democrats!

Then I started thinking about and checking out all the nonsense, outlandish statements, hideous grammar, childish spelling, racism, xenophobia, socialism, homophobia, and all other manner of stupidity I was reading on Yahoo!, Cragislist, and the various blogs and discussion groups. It came to me that there was a conspiracy.

I call it the TROLL CONSPIRACY

Let's face it folks. No matter where you turn, no matter how hard you try, whenever you have a chance to get into a discussion of things that matter and might make a difference in this world, a troll always shows up and steers the attention toward name calling and personality conflict. This is almost always part of an outlandish statement with no basis in fact, or an unprovable assumption.

Somewhere in Washington, DC, or maybe Bangalore, or maybe even in Los Angeles there is a boiler room with hundreds of computers staffed by hundreds of morons with minimal intelligence and even less than minimal keyboarding ability. This employment is helping those high school drop outs give themselves a leg up toward the American Dream. All the bull being slung across the 'net just can't be created by people who do it for fun. It takes dedicated, well paid, professionals behind them to nurture and keep the nonsense flowing.

Why do I say that there is only one boiler room? Because it makes sense. The Republicans, Democrats, Neocons, Ultra-liberals, Christian Rightists, Atheists, Muslims, Pro-lifers, Pro-choicers, Gays, Homophobes, Warmongers, and Peaceniks all want the same thing. They all want the American people (Voters especially), to remain as uneducated, confused, and stupid as possible. All of these groups and probably more that I haven't named or thought of, have gotten together to compare notes and keep the insanity alive.

Speculative examples NOT FACT:

Obama's campaign releases rumor that Obama is Muslim.
Hillary's campaign takes blame.
Republicans giggle with glee.

Hillary's campaign circulates joke about Hilary's testicles.
Republicans take the fall.

Republicans label Bush a murderer calling for his impeachment.
Democrats are given the credit. (As if we would rather have Dick Cheney as President)

See how it goes? Instead of working on the real issues, instead of focusing on real problems, we are constantly led astray by the TROLL CONSPIRACY.

I'm just curious. Does anyone else out there want to help me prove this? Does anyone know where this boiler room is located?

Does anyone know who I can contact to ask for the job?